July 10, 2011
Gratitude vs. Entitlement
I watch our government and the conversations about budgets and I shake my head about all the entitlements and clear expectations about hand outs (I want my “Obama money”). Raise taxes, cut police or firemen, cut teacher salaries. Who is looking at the entitlements? Why isn’t there a conversation about all the handouts and how effective they are? I hear no conversation about that- – because it is a political hot potato?
I hope our elected officials can start looking seriously at this and not take the easiest road. I am also hopeful that thinking citizens can call them to this. I have faith in our country and its people.
But then I look at my own household and how we got here. I believed I was raising my daughter well. We were fortunate to be able to provide for her always. She has never lacked for anything. I also believe I was raising her to be thankful and responsible: saying thank you, saving money, working for things. And I see her do that around others, except our immediate family. Did we do too much because we could?
For example, I gave her a car when she was a junior in HS. It was wrecked in the middle of a pile up six months later. She needed a car for work and school so we replaced it. She pays for most of her car expenses and insurance. However, this year has been a big $ year for her car (battery, tires, alternator and spark plugs). She is anxious about the reliability of the car.
So, I was thinking about my car. I was hoping to hold off until she graduated to get another. It has over 100,000 miles on it but is a great car. I just put about $3000 in it so it should be pretty solid. But given the economy and considering that is not likely to get better in the next two years and factoring in threatening govt regulations, I am thinking it might be wise to buy a new car now.
So I came up with this great idea that maybe I would give her my car and sell hers if I got a new car. The problem is that I told her what I was thinking.
She is away for the summer with an internship. About 3 weeks after I told her, she decided to come home for a party and because she was homesick (I thought). That night I had a work event but left early because I was excited to see her and didn’t want her to spend time alone.
When we arrived home she had been home for a little while- – enough time to shower and start laundry. Within a few minutes she asked me about my car. Earlier in the week I had told her I hadn’t done anything with my car yet. Again I told the same thing ….I hadn’t had time and the dealers weren’t dealing yet. She then basically demanded I give her my car and take her car until I bought the new car! Um….no. Then ordered I would have to drive my car 5 hours up to her and drive her car back when I bought the new car. Again…no.
So she packed up her stuff and decided she would be staying with Grandma!
Wow. The sense of entitlement there was completely breath- taking to me.
Two weeks later, she joined me in Germany at my expense (something we had been planning for a while). At no time while there did she express any gratitude for the experience. Instead, all I got from her was criticism. One day she lectured me about my attitude when she asked me to carry her makeup bag and I asked why she needed it on our day trip. Then she snapped at me to be quiet when I was quietly chatting about our trip when we boarded the train because the handful of others on the train individually weren’t talking (shortly thereafter chatty couples boarded). And on and on including refusing to stand by me or talk to me when the tour guide denigrated the organization that was responsible for bringing me to Germany and I spoke up.
I have no idea how to react to all this. Clearly at age 20 there is not much MOM can do to correct it. I can address it and acknowledge it as best I can when it happens and hope it is limited to me. She does not take correction well at this point- – just gets defensive and angry. I am hoping with maturity and experience, she will outgrow this and become grateful and courteous and loving.
One can hope, and I do have faith.
